The end of the year is always full of mixed blessings. This month has been fuller than usual of transitions with the unexpected death of a close friend, a need to change my volunteer activity due to limitations of mobility, the loss of another volunteer opportunity as the organization phased-out and the rejection of an article for publication. As a consequence, I feel depleted in so many ways, maybe the New Year will provide some rejuvenation.
At year's end, there's always the retrospective view to asses the year just past. This year, I seem to be focussed on losses as my mental meanderings examine the past months. I do not use this process to make myself feel worse, but to look for the gift that comes with each of these changes if I only consider each one carefully. When I review the events from the past twelve months, I look for the positive development that came with each change; there always is something. I first learned to examine losses in this way in 2000 when I was diagnosed with idiopathic progressive peripheral neuropathy which in a nutshell means that I'm gradually losing the use of the nerves in my arms and legs. Prior to the situation that brought me to the 8-hours of gruelling outpatient tests, I had always lived and worked giving 110% to everything. With this diagnosis, I found out that I would not be able to work again. Both job loss and physical losses were a terrible double blow because this was not how I envisioned my life unfolding. The gift that came with this undesired change was the opportunity to move to Taos earlier and to learn about writing which resulted in three published novels.
Christmas gift-giving is past, I'm looking for different gifts that 2009 offers for 2010. I wish you a wonderful 2010 with all of the gifts from 2009 to guide your living of this year.