I wrote this blog a couple weeks ago and promptly lost it so I'm trying again. Maybe this lapse is good since I've had more time to think through what I wanted to write. Over the past year, I've had several experiences that linger in my mind that resurface periodically for pondering. Here are my thoughts to date.
Have you ever considered the nature of friendships across species? I got to thinking about this a year ago when we had to put one of our miniature dachshunds to sleep. This little black dog, Pivo (the name's another story) was more my companion than his brown littermate. He loved to sit on my lap while I read or watched TV and snuggled next to me at night. he didn't have to be in the same room where I was, but needed to know which room I was in. When he was ten years old, he developed heart disease. Last spring he developed heart failure and we decided that it was cruel to keep him with us. The experience of putting a dog to sleep was very hard.
The next day I was working at the computer and a black dog walked in the room, looked at me as left. I thought one of the other two had to go outside so I saved my work and went to the living room where both dogs were asleep. Perhaps,Pivo -the ghost dog was checking up on me.
The experience makes me wonder about those special relationships that develop across species lines and whether they go on somehow after death.
In December of last year a close friend, who lives in another state, died unexpectedly. At the time I was away from home at a three-day seminar. During the last night, a voice woke me up from a sound sleep. There were no words, but, "Oooo, oh. Ah." I opened my eyes to see who was waking me up and no one was there. I made use of the wakeful moment to go to the bathroom. I got home late in the afternoon of the same day and my husband told me about our friend's death. When her husband phoned that night, I realized that the time of her death was close to the time of my experience with the voice. I have to wonder if she came to say good-bye.
What happens with these human friendships? There are all kinds of theories and speculations in books, but might these ties might continue beyond this physical life?
Another shift. My father died with some kind of non-Alzheimer's dementia. I used to think about where the essentail person he was had gone. Scientific articles tell you what happens in the brain and what might cause it as well as what might prevent or cure it, but no one can say where the essential person has gone.
A good friend is beginning to have signs of dementia. I don't know 'where' she is going, but I do know that I will still be her friend, even when she no longer knows who I am. I have to believe that these ties go on when mental function changes and life ceases.
So many questions and no answers. There are so many books and speculations about existence after death. Perhaps the only way to understand fully is after making that transition ourselves. It is not an event I will hasten, but it's the only conclusion I can reach now.
By the way, have you checked my website? You can find out more about me as well as three books I've written. If you want to buy them, order them through your favorite bookstore and I'll be glad to send you signed bookplates - my contact information is on the website.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Monday, May 3, 2010
Connection after 42 years!
There's been one classmate from nursing school who's stayed in touch with me over the past several years. We've exchanged Christmas letters and later an occasional email. This year she said that she and her husband would be coming to Taos with their camper. The last time I saw Carol and Mel was when I sang at their wedding and I looked forward to their visit. When we picked them up at their 5th Wheel camper, Carol and I hugged and laughed. No words were necessary. Although we're much older, our appearance hadn't changed so much - white hair for me, but the same hairstyle and for her some gray threaded through her waves. The connection was immediate and as if we seen each other yesterday. Conversation flowed easily with all four of us and I was sorry to have them leave.
So what it is about these human connections? Sometimes you meet people and it's as if there's a chemical reaction that hisses and pushes you away from each other. It's possible to overide the instantaeous reaction, but the time together is hard work and drains you of energy. Then there's my classmate with whom I have almost nothing in common, but it's so easy to be with her regardless of the conversational topic.
Scientists talk about pheromones that cause attraction between men and women. Now I wonder if there's something more going on between individuals that makes some relationships easy and energizing while others take all of the zest out of you. When I taught nursing, I had classes of students that had this effect on me. Some classes were a joy to be with and I left the lesson eager to move on to my next task. Another class of nursing students are fixed in my memory because, despite their lack of knowledge, they refuted everything I said and vigorously challenged the rules for each assignment. I've known similar situations with speaking engagements when the audience seemed to drain the oxygen out of the room and I've left the event exhausted. On other occasions, I could have stayed with the group until morning.
Is there something else going on? If so, what is it and can we change it? Both parties have to participate in the desire to change and then maintain the new relationship. I wonder if this is part of what's going on at the global level? Few have the chance to work at the global level so I wonder if, at the local level, our attitudes have an impact in the world? Some would say that we must pray, but I think we need to consider our deeper attitudes that may resurface after the prayer is said in comments that we make. Perhaps real change begins and ends with us.
In the meantime, I'm so glad that I reconnected with Carol after all these years. Our time together gave me a terrific boost. Thanks, Carol.
So what it is about these human connections? Sometimes you meet people and it's as if there's a chemical reaction that hisses and pushes you away from each other. It's possible to overide the instantaeous reaction, but the time together is hard work and drains you of energy. Then there's my classmate with whom I have almost nothing in common, but it's so easy to be with her regardless of the conversational topic.
Scientists talk about pheromones that cause attraction between men and women. Now I wonder if there's something more going on between individuals that makes some relationships easy and energizing while others take all of the zest out of you. When I taught nursing, I had classes of students that had this effect on me. Some classes were a joy to be with and I left the lesson eager to move on to my next task. Another class of nursing students are fixed in my memory because, despite their lack of knowledge, they refuted everything I said and vigorously challenged the rules for each assignment. I've known similar situations with speaking engagements when the audience seemed to drain the oxygen out of the room and I've left the event exhausted. On other occasions, I could have stayed with the group until morning.
Is there something else going on? If so, what is it and can we change it? Both parties have to participate in the desire to change and then maintain the new relationship. I wonder if this is part of what's going on at the global level? Few have the chance to work at the global level so I wonder if, at the local level, our attitudes have an impact in the world? Some would say that we must pray, but I think we need to consider our deeper attitudes that may resurface after the prayer is said in comments that we make. Perhaps real change begins and ends with us.
In the meantime, I'm so glad that I reconnected with Carol after all these years. Our time together gave me a terrific boost. Thanks, Carol.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Australia and New Zealand in January
1.I didn't realize how ugly kangaroos were.
2.Milford Sound was used in Lord of the Rings.
2.Milford Sound was used in Lord of the Rings.
It's taken me a long time to get back to this blog; somehow other things kept me away from the computer or at the computer doing other things. Below is the synopsis I sent to family and friends. It truly was a wonderful experience, especially New Zealand ---if only it were closer. Getting older has meant that it takes longer to recover from this kind of trip. I wanted to do everything and we did a lot. I had a ball on an 8-wheel drive vehicle to see the seals and penguins in New Zealand and wish I had one of those 8-wheel carts for here in Taos now with all the snow, slush and mud.
We had a wonderful time.
New Zealand Air is great, but the trip is still very long.
We arrived in Sydney early with 3 days to explore then we boarded our ship, Oceania's Nautica which is identical to the Regatta which we've sailed on a couple times preveiously. We met some crew and staff that we've known from other tracels with Oceania so it felt like we were returning to something familiar and comfortable.
Sydney harbor is charming and huge. We took a Middle Harbour Coffee Cruise harbor tour and heard about all of the inlets, smaller harbors and islands. Then we took a harbor ferry to a Wildlife World with all of hte unique creatures from bugs to cassowary birds, koalas and kangaroos. It had the world's largest crocodile and a great walk-in butterfly exhibit where they would land on you. The colors and shapes of the butterflies were completely different from any that John and I have seen. Of course we walked around the opera house and ate at a sidewalk cafe there. No operas while we were there for which John was very grateful.
We walked around The Rocks, the site of the first European settlement in Australia, and shopped, of course we bought hats. Our suppers we ate at the Circular Quay in some of the sidewalk restaurants.
As Julia, our niece says, Melbourne is just a city. We went to the Sunday arts and crafts show and the HUGE Queen Victoria Market. The second day we were there, the temperature was 111 F so we never left the ship.
Our next stop was Hobart, Tasmania. We walked around the town and stopped in some stores including a bookstore. It's a pleasant, charming port. (In some ways, it reminded me of the new little shops being developed in the Fells point area of Baltimore.)
The shock of Australia was the price of things, where the US dolloar equals the Australian dollar. Our niece said that the minimum wage is $20/ hour, so people weren't worried about tips (there's no tipping) and they don't have to work 2 or 3 jobs to get and adequate income. Everyone treated us very well. we were impressed with Australia.
Our first exposure to New Zealand was the Milford Sound. As a fjord it was not impressive and there were not many waterfalls the day we sailed in and out, but I enjoyed it because a portion of The Lord of the Rings was filmed there.
Our first stop in New Zealand was Dunedin which has a very Scotish flare - in people's accents and other things - bag pipes- and more. Here we took a shore excursion called 'Wet 'n' Wild', a hilarious ride in an 8 wheeldrive open vehicle through deep mud and narrow trails to see New Zealand fur seals and their cubs and yellow-eyed penguins. It was a fun time.
In Lyttelton, we took another all-day excursion to a sheep farm where Ross Miller showed us how a sheepdog could round up a herd of sheep - amazing. An indication of the tremendous hospitality that we experienced everywhere in New Zealand was that Mary Miller got up at dawn to make fresh shortbread, a kind of fruit teacake and tea for all of us in four buses - over 120 people. she served us in her house and gardens. It was just the two of them on the farm Ross and Mary for all of us. He answered questions and also demonstrated how to shear sheep while Mary served refreshments inside. The tour included several other things, but this gives you a sample.
In Wellington, we went to the Te Papa museum on our own. What a fantastic museum with free admission for locals unless they were going to a special exhibit. We'd heard from our friends, Beth and Alice that this was a not-to-be-missed experience and they were right. It has a very modern design, open from the first floor through the top 3rd floor. Most of it was devoted to a wonderful presentation of Maori culture and arts with videos of how 'green stone' (New Zealand jade) is carved and other things. We saw people working in the city would meet colleagues to discuss business in the comfortable Te Papa cafe on the 3rd floor.
Napier was fun being an Art Deco style town and easily walkable. The art deco differs from other places in that designs are derived from Maori art. Our main stop here, thanks ot Beth and Alice, was the Opossum Museum shop. Here they sell marvelous scarves, sweaters, etc. made of a blend of merino wool and possum fur. The items are quite warm, but very light weight.
In Rotorua we woke to a light drizzle. We had another all day tour here to go to the Waiotapu Thermal Reserve. At the reserve, the rain became more serious. by the time we entered the 3/4 mile trail it was a major downpour that came up to fast that I couldn't get my hooded rainjacket on in time. The colours of the thermal pools were brillant despite the rain. Fortunately there was a gift shop at the end of the trail and I bought 2 T-shirts changing into one immediately in the fitting room. We did other things here, but the rain really got our attention.
In Auckland, we disembarked the ship and transferred to a hotel for a couple days. We went to the Auckland Museum which is a former war memorial building in a huge park. It had another more extensive display of Maori couture as well as items from the European history of New Zealand. The most fascinating thing to me was the section desinged for children of all ages with places for little children to crawl through, hands-on activities for them and large drawers of mounted insects, etc under glass for them to pull out. While not as spacious as the TePapa museum, it fulfilled the recommendation from our friends Jan and Charles.
We did much more, but this gives you some highlights of our trip. The summer was cooler than we expected, but very pleasant except for the one rainy day. We can't say enough about the graciousness and hospitality of the New Zealand people - known as Kiwis and the sheer beauty of the two islands. If it were closer, we'd go back in a heartbeat.
I haven't said anything about the ship or the sea days. We enjoy the Oceania line very much and will sail on them again.
I hope you enjoy this brief synopsis of our trip.
New Zealand Air is great, but the trip is still very long.
We arrived in Sydney early with 3 days to explore then we boarded our ship, Oceania's Nautica which is identical to the Regatta which we've sailed on a couple times preveiously. We met some crew and staff that we've known from other tracels with Oceania so it felt like we were returning to something familiar and comfortable.
Sydney harbor is charming and huge. We took a Middle Harbour Coffee Cruise harbor tour and heard about all of the inlets, smaller harbors and islands. Then we took a harbor ferry to a Wildlife World with all of hte unique creatures from bugs to cassowary birds, koalas and kangaroos. It had the world's largest crocodile and a great walk-in butterfly exhibit where they would land on you. The colors and shapes of the butterflies were completely different from any that John and I have seen. Of course we walked around the opera house and ate at a sidewalk cafe there. No operas while we were there for which John was very grateful.
We walked around The Rocks, the site of the first European settlement in Australia, and shopped, of course we bought hats. Our suppers we ate at the Circular Quay in some of the sidewalk restaurants.
As Julia, our niece says, Melbourne is just a city. We went to the Sunday arts and crafts show and the HUGE Queen Victoria Market. The second day we were there, the temperature was 111 F so we never left the ship.
Our next stop was Hobart, Tasmania. We walked around the town and stopped in some stores including a bookstore. It's a pleasant, charming port. (In some ways, it reminded me of the new little shops being developed in the Fells point area of Baltimore.)
The shock of Australia was the price of things, where the US dolloar equals the Australian dollar. Our niece said that the minimum wage is $20/ hour, so people weren't worried about tips (there's no tipping) and they don't have to work 2 or 3 jobs to get and adequate income. Everyone treated us very well. we were impressed with Australia.
Our first exposure to New Zealand was the Milford Sound. As a fjord it was not impressive and there were not many waterfalls the day we sailed in and out, but I enjoyed it because a portion of The Lord of the Rings was filmed there.
Our first stop in New Zealand was Dunedin which has a very Scotish flare - in people's accents and other things - bag pipes- and more. Here we took a shore excursion called 'Wet 'n' Wild', a hilarious ride in an 8 wheeldrive open vehicle through deep mud and narrow trails to see New Zealand fur seals and their cubs and yellow-eyed penguins. It was a fun time.
In Lyttelton, we took another all-day excursion to a sheep farm where Ross Miller showed us how a sheepdog could round up a herd of sheep - amazing. An indication of the tremendous hospitality that we experienced everywhere in New Zealand was that Mary Miller got up at dawn to make fresh shortbread, a kind of fruit teacake and tea for all of us in four buses - over 120 people. she served us in her house and gardens. It was just the two of them on the farm Ross and Mary for all of us. He answered questions and also demonstrated how to shear sheep while Mary served refreshments inside. The tour included several other things, but this gives you a sample.
In Wellington, we went to the Te Papa museum on our own. What a fantastic museum with free admission for locals unless they were going to a special exhibit. We'd heard from our friends, Beth and Alice that this was a not-to-be-missed experience and they were right. It has a very modern design, open from the first floor through the top 3rd floor. Most of it was devoted to a wonderful presentation of Maori culture and arts with videos of how 'green stone' (New Zealand jade) is carved and other things. We saw people working in the city would meet colleagues to discuss business in the comfortable Te Papa cafe on the 3rd floor.
Napier was fun being an Art Deco style town and easily walkable. The art deco differs from other places in that designs are derived from Maori art. Our main stop here, thanks ot Beth and Alice, was the Opossum Museum shop. Here they sell marvelous scarves, sweaters, etc. made of a blend of merino wool and possum fur. The items are quite warm, but very light weight.
In Rotorua we woke to a light drizzle. We had another all day tour here to go to the Waiotapu Thermal Reserve. At the reserve, the rain became more serious. by the time we entered the 3/4 mile trail it was a major downpour that came up to fast that I couldn't get my hooded rainjacket on in time. The colours of the thermal pools were brillant despite the rain. Fortunately there was a gift shop at the end of the trail and I bought 2 T-shirts changing into one immediately in the fitting room. We did other things here, but the rain really got our attention.
In Auckland, we disembarked the ship and transferred to a hotel for a couple days. We went to the Auckland Museum which is a former war memorial building in a huge park. It had another more extensive display of Maori couture as well as items from the European history of New Zealand. The most fascinating thing to me was the section desinged for children of all ages with places for little children to crawl through, hands-on activities for them and large drawers of mounted insects, etc under glass for them to pull out. While not as spacious as the TePapa museum, it fulfilled the recommendation from our friends Jan and Charles.
We did much more, but this gives you some highlights of our trip. The summer was cooler than we expected, but very pleasant except for the one rainy day. We can't say enough about the graciousness and hospitality of the New Zealand people - known as Kiwis and the sheer beauty of the two islands. If it were closer, we'd go back in a heartbeat.
I haven't said anything about the ship or the sea days. We enjoy the Oceania line very much and will sail on them again.
I hope you enjoy this brief synopsis of our trip.
I'll try not to be absent so long for my next post.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Year's End
The end of the year is always full of mixed blessings. This month has been fuller than usual of transitions with the unexpected death of a close friend, a need to change my volunteer activity due to limitations of mobility, the loss of another volunteer opportunity as the organization phased-out and the rejection of an article for publication. As a consequence, I feel depleted in so many ways, maybe the New Year will provide some rejuvenation.
At year's end, there's always the retrospective view to asses the year just past. This year, I seem to be focussed on losses as my mental meanderings examine the past months. I do not use this process to make myself feel worse, but to look for the gift that comes with each of these changes if I only consider each one carefully. When I review the events from the past twelve months, I look for the positive development that came with each change; there always is something. I first learned to examine losses in this way in 2000 when I was diagnosed with idiopathic progressive peripheral neuropathy which in a nutshell means that I'm gradually losing the use of the nerves in my arms and legs. Prior to the situation that brought me to the 8-hours of gruelling outpatient tests, I had always lived and worked giving 110% to everything. With this diagnosis, I found out that I would not be able to work again. Both job loss and physical losses were a terrible double blow because this was not how I envisioned my life unfolding. The gift that came with this undesired change was the opportunity to move to Taos earlier and to learn about writing which resulted in three published novels.
Christmas gift-giving is past, I'm looking for different gifts that 2009 offers for 2010. I wish you a wonderful 2010 with all of the gifts from 2009 to guide your living of this year.
At year's end, there's always the retrospective view to asses the year just past. This year, I seem to be focussed on losses as my mental meanderings examine the past months. I do not use this process to make myself feel worse, but to look for the gift that comes with each of these changes if I only consider each one carefully. When I review the events from the past twelve months, I look for the positive development that came with each change; there always is something. I first learned to examine losses in this way in 2000 when I was diagnosed with idiopathic progressive peripheral neuropathy which in a nutshell means that I'm gradually losing the use of the nerves in my arms and legs. Prior to the situation that brought me to the 8-hours of gruelling outpatient tests, I had always lived and worked giving 110% to everything. With this diagnosis, I found out that I would not be able to work again. Both job loss and physical losses were a terrible double blow because this was not how I envisioned my life unfolding. The gift that came with this undesired change was the opportunity to move to Taos earlier and to learn about writing which resulted in three published novels.
Christmas gift-giving is past, I'm looking for different gifts that 2009 offers for 2010. I wish you a wonderful 2010 with all of the gifts from 2009 to guide your living of this year.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Several days ago I composed a blog in my mind, but never got around to posting it. Now, I have the time and can't remember a thing I wanted to and it was so profound at the time that it scares me.
In our Sunday morning book group we were discussing the closing chapters of C.S.Lewis's Mere Christianity. If you read it, you must bear in mind that he was talking to people just after WWII in the mid-1940's. Despite the fact that it is written using the male pronoun throughout, much of what he has to say is relevant today. We ended up talking about the 'elect' and predestination. My view, and that of some other theological scholars, is that we are all elect or predestined for heaven---many people just don't know it. Those who don't have this perspective include the churched and well as the unchurched. What difference does it make--- knowing that one is predestined for heaven? I think it makes it possible for us to be open to God, Allah, All-that-Is or whatever term you use for the Ultimate. We don't have to worry about what others think, but how to live in sync with The All. We are never forgotten or discarded or too bad to be included---The All is always with us and able to help us through. I didn't plan to get theological, but the lingering conversations from the morning seem to be resonating through the day so I decided to share them with you. May the hole within you, which some call the "God Hole", be filled in a reassuring way.
In our Sunday morning book group we were discussing the closing chapters of C.S.Lewis's Mere Christianity. If you read it, you must bear in mind that he was talking to people just after WWII in the mid-1940's. Despite the fact that it is written using the male pronoun throughout, much of what he has to say is relevant today. We ended up talking about the 'elect' and predestination. My view, and that of some other theological scholars, is that we are all elect or predestined for heaven---many people just don't know it. Those who don't have this perspective include the churched and well as the unchurched. What difference does it make--- knowing that one is predestined for heaven? I think it makes it possible for us to be open to God, Allah, All-that-Is or whatever term you use for the Ultimate. We don't have to worry about what others think, but how to live in sync with The All. We are never forgotten or discarded or too bad to be included---The All is always with us and able to help us through. I didn't plan to get theological, but the lingering conversations from the morning seem to be resonating through the day so I decided to share them with you. May the hole within you, which some call the "God Hole", be filled in a reassuring way.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
You've gotta laugh
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Sometimes you've got to laugh. I had composed a blog and was basically whining about a change in my physical abilities. Since I'm using my laptop, not my desktop to compose this post, I decided to see if I could access photos from my desktop files to insert here. I found the photo I wanted and inserted it into a blank space ---the previous blog had not been saved. Fortunately, you have avoided the annoying experience of reading my complaint. Cyberspace just wasn't up to it today.
The labyrinth shown here is at the Casa del Sol on Ghost Ranch just north of Abiquiu where I attended a retreat for women. Labyrinths are wonderful opportunities to address issues, search for peace and/or talk to God. I first walked a labyrinth when I was in a position with heavy responsibilites in Baltimore. Walking the labyrinth didn't always give me insights to solve work or life problems although that happened on occasion. The experience often gave me a sense of peace that carried me through the day. I hope that you have one near you. It's worth the time.
May your day be filled with joy,
May you find the strength you need to deal with life's challenges, and
May you find peace.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Human Connections
Over the last two weeks I've become much more aware of basic human connections. While there are heights and terrible lows inherent with these relationships, they are essential to us for growth and maturation.
I've pondered the joys of connections and rediscovered how integral they are for the affirmation of my sense of who I am. There is delight in recognizing myself as I hear others talk, regardless of age. It's not an age 'thing', but a state of being the person I am and finding a kind of unity with another.
There is also the opposite; the absolute rift in effective communication with another as if we're broadcasting on completely different frequencies and unable to receive messages from the other. There has to be a willingness on both sides to bridge the chasm. Alone, one person cannot build a bridge. As I reflect on these failures, I often gain new insights about why the communication doesn't and possibly can't work now. If I'm honest with myself, I often recognize something of my weaknesses in these failures because they also reveal my faults.
It is an element of relationship, not defined by blood, but by a desire to learn and understand more about the other. It entails risk and adventure because the very nature of true communication is that both will be changed in some way, even when the connection cannot be made.
Does this make sense to you? I hope so. And if not, maybe I did not write well, or I just have more to learn.
I've pondered the joys of connections and rediscovered how integral they are for the affirmation of my sense of who I am. There is delight in recognizing myself as I hear others talk, regardless of age. It's not an age 'thing', but a state of being the person I am and finding a kind of unity with another.
There is also the opposite; the absolute rift in effective communication with another as if we're broadcasting on completely different frequencies and unable to receive messages from the other. There has to be a willingness on both sides to bridge the chasm. Alone, one person cannot build a bridge. As I reflect on these failures, I often gain new insights about why the communication doesn't and possibly can't work now. If I'm honest with myself, I often recognize something of my weaknesses in these failures because they also reveal my faults.
It is an element of relationship, not defined by blood, but by a desire to learn and understand more about the other. It entails risk and adventure because the very nature of true communication is that both will be changed in some way, even when the connection cannot be made.
Does this make sense to you? I hope so. And if not, maybe I did not write well, or I just have more to learn.
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